forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
