piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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