Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
