Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
