Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
