our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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