It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
