but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize