On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize