I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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