they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
