I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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