I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
