I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
