like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
