i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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