Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
