What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
