remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
