Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
