remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
