I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
