A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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