I am puke
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this will be a night to untag.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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