you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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