Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
