exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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