I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How does one acquire holy water?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
