and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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