Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
