I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
