if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
