Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize