Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
