Moan for me like Helen Keller
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
