the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
