Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
