He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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