u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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