I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
