Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
