You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
