Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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