they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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