Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
