It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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