True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
