White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
