her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
