So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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