8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
