Having a random hookup so left but love u
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
