I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
