I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
