how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
