Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
can u get pink eye on your cock?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
