Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
