Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
