You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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