I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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