Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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