i may or may not be watching the land before time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
